Jae Bradford 2016 Introducing Change

Worst Blog Ever!!!!

Well, I just reread my initial blog & it is definitely the worst blog EVER!!!!  I even depressed myself with that one!!!!  LOL!!!!  Many days are so outrageous they are funny.....like today!!!!  Hubby fell in the bedroom & a film of us trying to get him off the floor with our two puppies "helping" us would have been hysterical!!!!  He was naked, the dogs thought that was an "opportunity" to play, & I was frustrated!!!!  Oh well, it only took us about an hour to get him up, dressed, & in his wheelchair!!!!  During this process, the puppies bit his privates, he pulled me down on the floor accidently, the puppies grabbed my glasses, & on & on!!!!  Of course, all of this occurred AFTER the Hospice nurse left!!!!  The good news is that he didn't hurt himself.....AND I got some much needed exercise!!!!

I am SO anxious for Spring to get here!!!!  NOT "rainy" spring but sunny warm beautiful spring!!!!  I hope to have time for playing in my flower gardens & enjoying being out in the yard on the farm!!!!  Spring is my favorite season!!!!  Everything seems new & clean!!!!  I always go overboard planting too many flowers & too many vegetables!!!!  Very enthusiastic to start, then about July I become somewhat overwhelmed & by September, I LOVE Fall because it is cooler & I get to put my flowerbeds & vegetable gardens to bed for the winter!!!!

Oops, Hubby is pulling bandaids off, gotta run!!!!

This Seems Like A Good Idea!!

Somehow, this seemed like a good idea at the time!!!!  LOL!!!!  I don't have enough time to turn around, let alone blog!!!!  I am caring for my dying Hubby & 2 furkids & Mother!!  I am a retired RN who didn't really see this coming!!  Sometimes life just jumps up, gets a life of its' own & slaps you in the face!!!!  Had I seen this coming, I would never have moved out from town onto a remote farm......away from everything & everyone!!!!  Don't get me wrong.....I LOVE living out here, but at times it is difficult & isolated & a little scary!! 

Well, what I want to do is chronicle this scary journey that I am on!!  Even 33 years of being a nurse didn't prepare me for the journey I find myself on!!  Hubby is 11 years older than me & I knew I would someday wind up caring for a failing Hubby, but I had no idea what that would entail!!  You see, Hubby is dying of heart failure after suffering 2 heart attacks, having a pacemaker put in, as well as several stents, AND........he has Alzheimer's disease!!  He is a retired steelworker that is very strong willed, so this is difficult for him too!!  The drug, Aricept, kept the Alzheimer's at bay for a while, but it is so expensive that I couldn't keep up with it & so the disease has closed in!!  You don't realize how much energy is needed to watch after someone with this disease.....to keep them safe, protected, fed, cared for, etc.!!  I am one of those people that has to decide if I can buy medicine or food!!  Now don't be a hater & get on me because I have 2 puppies.....I have some precious friends who have helped me with the expense of the puppies & they are so much company for us!!  Watching & playing with them often keeps him occupied while I cook supper or do laundry, etc.!!  I have to watch him like a hawk because he is so weak that when he tries to ambulate, he falls & he can't get up, doesn't have the strength to help me get him up, & I can't lift him!!  Thankfully, Hospice provided a wheelchair, hospital bed, & a Hoyer lift that I can use to get him off the floor!!!!  It still isn't easy, but it is manageable!!!!  He has fixated on food & is hungry all the time!!!!  Now this is playing havoc with my need to lose weight & eat healthier!!!!  All he wants is fattening "comfort" food & he wants it ALL the time!!!!  I find that I have a hard time keeping up with him!!!!

I was talking to a friend who is going through much the same thing with her husband & she said something that stuck a chord with me!!  People who have not had to care for a dying family member or one with a debilitating disease like Alzheimer's, just doesn't "get it"!!  You can say that you sympathize or empathize with us, but you really DON'T have a clue how all consuming it is and the energy level that you have to have just to get up in the morning!!!!  I never sleep more than an hour or two at a time without waking up & checking on him!!  I sleep so lightly that I never get into REM sleep, the sleep level that you need to recharge!!  I usually sleep in a chair so that I don't sleep too deep to wake up if he moves or tries to get up!!

Now, you would think that I would become angry or resentful over this, but I am NOT!!!!  I LOVE my Hubby & we married "....for better or worse, in sickness & in health...."!!!!  I really DID sign on for this, I just didn't realize it at that age!!!!  I KNOW, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that is our roles were reversed, he would care for me!!!!  Through the years together, he has!!!!  When I went through surgery for cancer & the follow-up treatment & after 3 back surgeries, he always cared for me, very lovingly & without regard for what was required of him!!!!  What is required of me physically, I can handle, but I MISS my intellectual partner!!  He can't remember what happened an hour ago!!  But I think the flash anger, argumentative part is the worst!!!!  He has always been a news junkie & very knowledgeable about politics, & now he doesn't know who prominent politicians are, he doesn't remember major news events & he can't carry on an in-depth conversation about events in the world today!!!!  He realizes that something is wrong, but doesn't realize the extent of it!!  If I question him or make a comment that he doesn't understand, that horrid flash anger flares & it is a little scary sometimes!!!!

He has had 2 or more strokes that we know of so when he experienced expressive aphasia, unable to say what he was thinking or couldn't remember words, we assumed it was from the stroke!!!!  Unaware that he was developing Alzheimer's!!  This has been a difficult few years, but he remained physically active until this last Fall!!  He has become progressively weaker & his health has deteriorated!!!!

I plan on trying to blog daily, but we'll see how it goes!!  My cyber friends have been SO supportive & encouraging!!!!  I would have lost my sanity long ago if it had not been for them!!!!  I have always been leery of making "friends" on the Internet!!  THEN I found SparkPeople.com!!  It is an AMAZING site that is full of sincere, caring people from the founder of the site, Chris Downie, to the members themselves!!!!  I have made lifelong friends, 2 of whom drove from Nebraska to Illinois to meet me!!!!  I can't thank all my Sparkfriends enough for all they have done for me!!!!  If you need to lose some weight or just want a healthier lifestyle, check out www.sparkpeople.com!!!!  You won't regret it!!!!  OH, did I say "it's FREE"??  Just check it out!!

Until tomorrow.........Hugzz ~ Jae, FrogDiva

PS ~ I forgot to mention that I collect frogs & my home looks like "LilyPad Central"!!!!  So my online persona is Froggie!!!!